The Enemy of Self

There seems to be a block between thought and expression

To every thought I think

My soul is bleeding on to this page

Yet my pen produces invisible ink.

I’ve got a best sellers story inside

But I’m not sure I want to tell it

A wondrous story of principle and insanity

Though I feel is inappropriate to sell it

Of plight and insight

And keen observation

Confrontation of imagination

Yet distraught by self emasculation.

I do my best to hold together

I do my best to keep my cool

However, I find my self skimming on the edge of patience

Of a time that never seems to move.

I’ve acknowledged the parts that are my fault

I have no excuses for where I’m dead wrong

I do what’s right so I can sleep at night

Though the nightmares of my past, live Forever on.

Where my worst is at it’s best

A flawed mentality reigns supreme

And the things you thought mattered the least

Could cost you everything.

There once was a time I gave up on life

A lost soul who dwelled in the sewer

A hustler with a short sided eye

A sad film with no projection or viewer.

A sobers story of misplaced glory

Insight and education

An ego swells to only burn in hell

Of self appointed condemnation.

A denial that ran deep

And more durable than steel

Yet for every lie, and all who cried

My pain was something I couldn’t feel

I wasn’t sure if I could break free

Release the weight of the world from my shoulder

I couldn’t tell what made me tick, what made me sick

I doubted I could cut this chain from the boulder.

Time has passed and a bit I’ve grown

The fear of those days have kept me straight

I was in such confusion, living within an illusion

To this day I’m not sure how I escaped.

I live each day more gratefully

Free from a life I where I was entombed

Though I don’t retract, I accept the fact

That time hasn’t healed every wound